ABC’s “Killer Women” borrows so many pieces from Spanish telenovelas, you might think you’ve accidentally clicked onto Telemundo.
A beautiful woman in a skintight red dress and matching heels marches into a church and interrupts a wedding with a spray of bullets.
Female Texas Ranger Molly Parker (Tricia Helfer, “Battlestar Galactica”) battles sexist colleagues and her own abusive, estranged husband, and carries on a steamy affair with a DEA agent (Marc Blucas, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”).
Our heroine is supported by her brother Billy (Michael Trucco, another “Battlestar” vet), his wife Becca (Marta Milans) and their adorable kids.
All Molly lacks is a maid who will turn out to be her mommy and a father who is a secret billionaire.
Back to the killer-woman-of-the-week: The wedding shooter, Martina Alvarez (guest star Nadine Velazquez), is swiftly apprehended. Martina confesses she killed the bride, an assistant district attorney, because she was having a passionate affair with the groom, the owner of several gyms.
The groom — now widower — denies even knowing Martina, who worked at one of his clubs.
Molly ultimately suspects the woman is lying and covering up for a notorious drug cartel rooted in Mexico.
“You’re just a beautiful, spoiled gringa,” Martina tells her, spurning her help.
The truth could save Martina from the death penalty.
Molly needs to sweet-talk her DEA agent boyfriend, Dan Winston (Blucas), into revealing some confidential information and to join her on a raid across the border — all on the down-low.
The lingering shot of their revolvers resting atop each other, one in its holster, as they hit the sheets is there — to imply safe sex?
Meanwhile, nasty estranged hubby Jake (Jeffrey Nordling, “Body of Proof”) refuses to sign divorce papers and swears he loves Molly and tops his proclamation with a passive-aggressiveness post-script. “I just hope you find the self-confidence to believe that.”
Executive producer Sofia Vergara, better known as Gloria on ABC’s “Modern Family,” and series creator Hannah Shakespeare (“The Raven”) have a lot of ideas, but there isn’t a single surprise in the batch.
The hour resembles one of those straight-to-DVD action films starring Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme.
Helfer has no difficulty establishing her credentials as an action heroine, more so than the notion that she was recently — and for years — a battered woman.
Right now, “Killer” is only good for getting rid of one thing: time. How much are you willing to lose?
“KILLER WOMEN”
Series premiere tonight at 10 on WCVB (Ch.5).
Grade: C
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