Spoiler alert: If you have “The Bachelor” waiting for you on your DVR, stop right here. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
The most shocking part of the season premiere of “The Bachelor” Monday night? Not that 26-year-old Kansas City nurse Nikki Ferrell made a great first impression and will continue on in the competition. After all, have you seen the pretty part-time model?
No, the shocker was that one of the bachelorettes didn’t seem all that impressed with hunky soccer player Juan Pablo Galavis after meeting him – and said as much aloud. Ouch!
The poop hit the Twitter fan when Juan Pablo gave the most important rose of the night – the first one, saved for the woman who made the best first impression – to Canadian opera singer Sharleen Joynt, a handsome brunette who came from Germany to be on the show.
As Juan Pablo raced through the mansion like a little boy to retrieve the first rose for her, viewers heard Sharleen say she didn’t feel instant chemistry with him.
“It felt a little forced,” she admitted, shattering “The Bachelor” golden rule that every spoken thought about Juan Pablo begin with an orgasmic squeal.
He was obviously smitten with her, however, explaining how he liked her elegant look and that her experiences of living overseas made her seem worldly.
(Not hard to appear, really, in a group that included a kooky free spirit, a hypersexual massage therapist looking for a “man who wants to be rubbed by me” and a weepy, recently-dumped bride-to-be from Oklahoma.)
But when Juan Pablo handed Sharleen the most coveted rose of the night, she looked at him with glorious, unadulterated shock.
“Seriously?” she said.
“Sharleen, will you accept this rose,” he asked her.
Only after a handful of devastating, delicious, made-for-TV moments of pregnant pause she said, reluctantly: “Sure. Yes. Thank you, sir.”
Love her!
Hate her!
“Sharleen is literally the least impressed #bachelor contestant ever. She is McKayla Maroney/Olympics levels of unimpressed. (It's funny),” tweeted
@evachen.
“Sharleen/Olivia Munn's mouth says she's ‘incredibly flattered’ but her eyes say she'd rather be running errands,” tweeted @andilavs.
“Ummm Sharleen keeps calling him "sir" and I have 50 shades of problems with that,” posted @MarcSnetiker.
Ferrell, meanwhile, was upset that she didn’t score the first rose of the night. “It sucks it wasn’t me,” she griped.
She had made a great first impression when she stepped out of the limo in front of “The Bachelor” mansion/set, where Juan Pablo met each of the 27 contestants one-by-one.
To be honest, the bar wasn’t set very high. One woman showed up with a fake baby bump under her pink evening gown. You know, so Juan Pablo could see what she might look like swollen with his child someday.
One woman gave him a bracelet for his 4-year-old daughter. Awww. Another wore soccer shoes with her evening gown and kicked a soccer ball toward him. “I’m looking for a teammate,” she chirped.
The hippie chick with the Woodstock flowers in her hair skipped shoes altogether.
The music writer from Austin pulled into the courtyard pedaling a weird piano-bicycle, thus hitting more than one sour note.
Another woman stood in such deafening, awkward silence in front of the beautiful bachelor man that you could literally hear crickets. Literally. Heard. Crickets.
Ferrell played up her nursing background by arriving with a stethoscope and placing the working end of it on her chest so that Juan Pablo could hear the raw, animal beating of her excited heart.
Score!
As she walked away from him, he turned and watched the fetching blonde slink away in a curve-hugging, beaded black evening gown and he bit his hand, clearly enjoying the view.
“No more limos!” he exclaimed.
She continued to score points when he chose her for a brief, one-on-one meeting later. After he asked her her name again – “Nikki the nurse. Of course. Your heart. Boom, boom” – they chatted easily about her job at Children’s Mercy and about Kansas City, a town he apparently knows.
“I like the downtown area,” he told Ferrell and hinted that the two might make a trip to KC together.
“Maybe in a couple of months, we’ll figure it out,” he said.
Ferrell was one of the first women to receive a rose during the show’s infamous elimination ceremony, where contestants who don’t get a rose are sent packing.
Her competition going into next week includes the Florida single mom who connected with single-dad Juan Pablo; a prosecuting attorney from Atlanta; a TV reporter; a marketing executive from Chicago; the woman who brought her dog with her and – surprise! – the barefoot chick.
Among those sent packing: The Oklahoma woman who had shared that her love life “totally sucks,” and the massage therapist and all of her essential oils.
The online chatter from followers of the show – like blogger Reality Steve who apparently has already seen all the episodes – is that Ferrell comes across as this season’s villain among the women.
Judging from the previews shown Monday night, there’s a boat-load of drama ahead.
If you want to know how it all turns out – spoiler alert, spoiler alert, spoiler alert – check out Reality Steve, which offers an episode-by-episode breakdown of the season, which concludes on or about March 17.
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